When You're The Villain

So much of what people say and do is entirely a reflection of what's going on inside of them.

They may say something to you or about you, but what they are saying was a response to what they are seeing through their trauma-tinted lenses that color everything they observe and experience.

They're not even really seeing you... they are seeing a fragmented, skewed version of you and responding because of how upset they have been feeling. And it's awfully easier to blame you for how they feel than look at healing their own trauma-tined lenses.

Honestly... we can all find ourselves as the script-writer in this sort of dramatic narrative... And we usually cast ourselves as the victim, or the hero. The other person is usually the villain, right?

I recently found myself as the villain in someone else's long-time narrative. And, after careful re-review (and general approval) of my own agenda and integrity, it was helpful for me to realize that... that's ok.  I don't have to defend myself or mind that. I am realizing that it's not their job to understand me, nor is it my job to understand or change them. It is just a reflection of how they are seeing the world around them. And chances are, there will be others who might cast me in the role in the future.

It was a real, tangible milestone for me in seeing my own personal growth... At its core, it's truly not personal. It's their perspective. Realizing that helps me be more clear, more gracious, and more compassionate.

#love #well #kind #truthful #personaldevelopment #growth #acceptance #clarity #purpose #perspective #approval #oilup #breathdeeply

Listen Mama... you've GOT. THIS. 

This motherhood thing is in your bones... you're born into it and with it. Trust yourself like you're a wizened sage in a new skin body. And breathe. All the time. Breathe really deeply. Your breath connects you back to the real you when it feels like you are spilled all over the house and puddled up in dirty diapers and messy sinks. Just breathe. You. Got. This.
 ❤
Not sure who you are, but I know I needed to share this tonight. So take some deep breaths, quiet the chatter, let go of needing it you look a certain way, and get still with yourself. It's all going to be ok. 

You were born for this. 
#mothers #babies#motherhood #oilup #breathedeep

Everything Educates

After more than a week of post-hurricane stuff... loss of electricity, church relief efforts, down to one car, antsy children... I left the house the other day for a run and cried nearly half the time. It was the emotional release I had been needing. Once I allowed myself that, more gratitude flowed, and my thinking cleared. And it was then easier for me to refocus on finding the gift....

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about." - Haruki Murakami

We cannot change anything until we change our own thinking. Once we realize that there is a gift... an opportunity for growth in every experience, then we can see that life is happening for us, not to us. Then we can soften a little and focus on receiving the gift, instead of resisting the discomfort.

Are you sick today? Then use your oils, rest, and appreciate the priceless, miraculous vessel you live in that is currently caring for you.

Are you in a tough spot? Then breathe deep, and widen back your lense. Imagine yourself five years from now and ask how willing you are to let this experience contribute to the future you.

Storms come and go. But how we experience them is our choice. What if we saw them as gifts to propel us forward, instead of obstacles that derail us?

#gift #gratitude #personalgrowth #oilup #breathedeep #hurricaneirma

Getting Clear on What Matters

"What you do simply proves what you believe." - Simon Sinek

I've been getting really clear about what matters to me.

It's so helpful to really dig deep and find that out because if we're not careful, we could fill our days with things that don't really reflect what we truly care about, and what we're here to create. We get caught up in so many things. And then we can end up spinning our wheels for days or years in areas that don't actually align with our greater purpose.

And that just feels like wandering around in mud. As fun as that can be sometimes, most often I'd prefer some nice clean traction. ;)

So here's me practicing some clarity for myself.

I really care about the big picture.
I believe He gives us access to thriving.
I believe that when we find our way to thriving, we are better able to operate fully in and fulfill our higher purposes and callings.
I believe I'm here to find my thriving and to help others find their thriving.
I believe in a future where the light is getting brighter, where families are operating at higher and higher levels, and where joy, peace, and excitement are daily experiences.
I believe that joy and flourishing is available to us all in every single moment, should we choose it.
And I'm looking for people who believe that same thing and have set their course to find it and help others find it.

Because of what I believe, I chose doTERRA as my business. It is an incredibly effective tool to facilitate flourishing in any family. It is the most amazing organization I've ever seen for assisting us in finding and expanding our emotional, mental, physical, and financial health. It is now a 4 million member social movement, led by an incredible team of leaders, that is moving families into freedom on a global scale.

Because of what we believe, we chose Action Church as the faith-based community we could link arms with to inspire life change. We are so incredibly honored to be a part of this vision. We have never been a part of a more healthy, well-balanced, ego-less, mission-focused church leadership team.

If you believe similarly to how I believe, then I invite you to bring your gifts and talents to the table in whatever way you choose. Create, inspire, encourage, build up, restore, renew, and cultivate freedom.

If you live in the Central Florida area, I invite you to come visit Action Church and get involved. It might just change your life.

If you want to engage in a business that practically facilitates flourishing, then come link arms with us in doTERRA. It might just change your life.

My life has been changed, and still is changing. All of this is already happening. The mission is clear and the train is moving fast.
NOW is the time to get involved.

Can you envision your community, your friends, your city, rising in it's ability to flourish? Can you envision families experiencing more wellbeing, joy, peace, and excitement on a daily basis? Can you imagine yourself coming alive, flourishing, and impacting the world around you in a magnificent way? If you can, then it's time to become a part of it in some way. It's time to facilitate thriving.

Don't wait for "them" to do it. It starts with you.

#actionchurch #doterra #thriving

Went for a run this morning and really listened. This is my favorite song right now. It so beautifully depics my life. I choose what the kids chose. In an time when many were shooting the bullets or dodging the bullets, I bit the bullet. And so did he. And I am eternally grateful we did. Because after all, there's nothing really real separating us, except our beliefs. ❤

"Coming up slowly, oh, sun over the hill
Daylight still a long time coming
But I know it will
Been under their spell, oh, but we're coming awake
So we'll be rude, we'll be loud
As long as it takes

This is why, this is why,
We crank the dial to the right
Ooh this is why we're biting the bullet
We know the kids are right

Different colors
We carry each other
We're just different colors
This is why we're biting the bullet
We know the kids are right

We keep cranking the music up
Driving through our towns
But they don't wanna hear
They want us to turn it down
So come on lovers, come on haters
Tonight we raise the fire
'Cause when the people get to dancing
They forget about taking sides

This is why, this is why
We crank the dial to the right
Ooh this is why we're biting the bullet
We know the kids are right, sing

Different colors
We carry each other
We're just different colors
This is why we're biting the bullet
We know the kids are right

We're coming awake, out of your spell,
As long as it takes, we're coming awake

We're coming awake, out of your spell,
As long as it takes, we're coming awake

This is why, this is why,
We crank the dial to the right
This is why we're biting the bullet
We know the kids are right"

Different Colors by Walk The Moon
Listen to it here... https://youtu.be/nQykf6IYWA4

Where We Are Right Now: The smash-up of our life

The smash-up of it all sometimes leaves me in a tizzy. I want to cuss. Then I send myself to my room to huff oils, pray, and gather. And then I'm ok. "It's ok... I'm ok... Breeeeeaathe....."

In any given day I could dancing between so many things...

• I could be looking in the eyes of my small, wise one as she processes a new concept and needs my attention to validate it's importance.
• Then I could be answering the call of a friend who's ready for wellness in their home and wants to know how to start with essential oils.
• Then I could be working with an in country contact to plan a specific act of service for our upcoming Globalife Journeys trip.
• Or I could be doing anyone of the mundane things that motherhood is about... the fabric of existence that IS life.

It's a dancing of things I'm passionate about. It's a whirlwind that I sometimes cuss  & cry about, and other times scream in ridiculous excitement about. It's a creation HE and we made... beautiful, messy, and constantly expanding.

(We're running a non-profit, building a full-time business, and managing life with little ones. What the h*** was I thinking??)

We recently sat down with the Globalife Journeys board and clarified some things. Globalife, our humanitarian non-profit, is growing, but it could use so much more of us. It could become a HUGE impact.

But it needs our attention.

The next thing that became clear.... The growth of our doTERRA buisness will dramatically affect our ability to pay attention to and expand our non-profit, Globalife. The residual income that doTERRA will provide will allow Kenneth to come home and allow us to do exponentially more in multiple arenas. In additional to that, the actual work that IS doTERRA is life-changing and liberating. It IS what we are about... freedom, empowerment, liberation, impact.

And so... our course is clear. Continue to build doTERRA. And show everyone around us the ability that this buisness has to create a path to financial freedom and impact for their family.

So I ask... would you be open to joining us in our effort? Explore what doTERRA can offer you in terms of financial liberation or on-going wellness. In so doing, you will also help us and Globalife.

If residual income and financial freedom is something you want, and you are passionate about impacting the lives of others, then I want to talk to you asap. We're looking to work closely with passionate, purpose-driven leaders who want more in life. Get in touch with me. Let's explore it.

If none of those...but you're able to come watch our girls so we can build, then awesome! Or you just want to throw a hard-working, visionary momma some love, then fabulous! We're on a mission... it's happening. And we're loving the messy, tizzy of it all.

Even if we fall apart and cuss now and then while it's happening.

Broadcasting Your Life's Messages

I believe we are here to be messengers for God. We are megaphones, created to communicate.

The lives we are living are broadcasting messages to the world around us. Messages to our children, our friends, and everyone we come into contact with. Whether we speak or not, how we choose to experience life sends a message to all those around us about what is possible to experience in this realm.

If we talk about our ideals, but continue on in a state of frustration, closed off, overwhelmed, going from crisis to crisis, with a feeling of "nose to the grindstone"... then we will actually be broadcasting the message to our children that in this life there is no victory, there is no lasting peace, there is no real freedom.

If we continue in a state of unease, lack of attention to self, unforgiving, just getting by, clutching on, squeezing through, forcing a way... then we will broadcast that God's power doesn't actually exist in this realm, that stewardship of self and others is only idealistic, and that improvement must give way to basic survival.

What we are believing internally will manifest externally. Another way to look at it... what we are actually experiencing in life is a good indicator of what is going on internally.

"Your outer world is an expression of your inner world." ~ Ester Vermillion

So. What are you believing? What is the message? What are you broadcasting? And is the message that everyone around you is feeling and hearing what you want your life to be about?

If not, find out why. As this year begins, take stock. Look deep. Find someone you trust to process with. Acknowledge what's really going on internally. Only then, when you own it, can you move forward and create something different.

Because the truth is... we were created to thrive.

David and Goliath

You know that thing that feels impossible to overcome?

You're just looking at your Goliath.
And at times it terrifies you because he's mocked you, spit on you, eluded you, and defeated you and many others for 40 days... or perhaps 40 years.

Your Goliath is not actually that "thing" that terrifies you...that great "mountain" in the way. Your Goliath is just a reflection of you. That part of you that hasn't been mastered yet. You are also the David who will be doing the mastering.

How many times have you read the story? Five? Ten? Twenty times? Do you know how it ends? Are you certain? Go back and read it if you need to.

Now that you're certain of who does the mastering...

Imagine you are standing there as David, staring at a before-now undefeated Goliath. He's spitting contempt at you because he's won before. BUT you have now come with the certainty in your eyes of one who has seized a bear and a lion by it's hair and mastered it. Of one who knows the God Who empowers. And of one who is CERTAIN of the end of the story. Certain of the outcome--not necessarily sure of how it would all look. Remember... he took five stones. Unsure of how long, how many throws it would take. But he was CERTAIN of the mastering.

Now, look at your Goliath. He is part of you, ready for you to master him. Haven't you already mastered a lion and a bear in your life? Decide that your Goliath will surrender to defeat. And decide that your David will master. If you are still feel uncertain of the end of this story, then go write it down and read it every single day until you can recite it by memory, feel it's truth inside, and see your Goliath with David's eyes of CERTAINTY.

Then, when your David is ready, step onto the field and DO the mastering.

The Shifting

My life has taken a big shift. I still care about the same things I always have. But the methods I use have changed so much. My perspective has softened so much. My willingness to allow MORE for myself and others has shifted some of the ways I help.

The way I speak with my children has shifted. The way I engage with the women and children at the domestic abuse shelter in Guatemala has deepened. The way I transverse life with my husband has become more honest and authentic. The number of deep breaths I take during the day has greatly increased... (Ha... "increased"? Did I ever stop and embrace a deep breath before?) The way I pray and the things I say have taken on a greater intensity and confidence. The ease with which I can move through challenges has increased and the resistance to them has decreased.

So, I guess you could say I've changed. Shifted. Grown. Expanded. (Thank God! I thought I was going to be stuck back there for ever.) ;)

I've been reading a lot. I've been listening, learning, and praying a lot. I've been letting go of a lot. And I've been using and sharing the oils a lot. The oils have helped shift me. And it's been a joy to watch them shift those around me. My friend, Jackie, wrote me the other evening and said,

"I know that sometimes, like we are called to pray, we are called to bring people to a healing place. It comes from the same part of our being and it's what we were put here to do. Helping others was always my calling. Funny... until now I never put my medical helping job with this new adventure...makes sense!"

Bring people to a better place. That's what I've always been about. It's what I love about our missions trips, the marriage groups we've led, and the way we serve others. It's what Jackie has always been about, and what so many of the people I know in my life have been about. But until now, I would have to admit that my previous methods had a missing component to them. Well, thanks to the oils, my methods have just radically deepened. My ability to reach the crevasses in myself has expanded. And my ability to impact others has grown. Everything is back on the table again. Everything that couldn't be, now might be.

As Audrey said, "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, 'I'm possible'!"

Personal Inventory: Things that make you go "Ugh"

It feels like my whole system hit reboot.

Since returning from leading our last missions trip 8 days ago, I have slept more in a week than I have since my adolescent years. I have experienced three different forms of sickness, one swollen and painful-ish, one violent and mid-night-runs-to-the-bathroom-ish, and one just plain ugly.

I have had to rely on superbly fabulous friends and family to help care for our girls, since a mom who must tend to herself can't always tend to others. (THANK GOD for each of you! Words cannot express how much I needed you this week!)

But most of all, it's forced me to take inventory. You know...take stock of what's going on physically with my body, what's going on emotionally in my heart, and what kind of thoughts am I having. Since it's all connected, I knew these illnesses weren't random or separate... they were a reflection of the state of being I had placed myself in.

I was exhausted. And I had not been caring for myself. My inside SELF. So, I began to.

The best thing I did this week was to write a Forgiveness List. On this list I put the name of every person I could remember ever having a negative feeling toward. Even the slightest negative interaction or thought that I could still remember having. Even if I still felt justified about that thought or interaction. (Their part in this was unimportant...it was my action, thought, or response that mattered.) God, myself, and my immediate family members were all on there multiple times. Some of the people I had apologized to face-to-face in the past... but for some reason, there was still a memory... still a (nose-scrunch) "ugh" feeling there in my belly.

It was a long list.

Then I took the first name on the list and pretended I, this spirit-person, was sitting face-to-face with this other person's spirit. And I spelled out the moment that I remembered. And I asked for forgiveness. Silence ensued. But deep in me, I finally heard a "yes." Then something occurred to me... I turned to myself and apologized for carrying the shame of that interaction for so many years.  And that's when I began to weep.

I had no idea I had been carrying shame! ...Shame over interactions or thoughts that I thought had "mostly" already been addressed, or had "only" been internal stuttering, or had been justified, or had just been swept under the rug years ago (because who asks forgiveness for EVERYthing??)? As I continued to move down the list, there was more crying, but the asking of forgiveness came easier and easier, and the release of shame from my gut became more and more tangible. Sometimes I didn't hear an answer, but at least I asked. It took me days to get through the list.

I had no idea that little bits of shame could build up in you over the years--until a packed-in pile of it finds a way to send a screaming alarm signal out of your body through illness, vomit, and ugliness.

Thank God He lives and reigns in us. Thank God He made us miraculous and powerful. And THANK GOD He placed within us the creative ability to change, heal, restore, and thrive. We just have to step into it... we just have to OWN IT.


(And P.S., I'm much better. Mending, moving slowly, breathing deeply, and smiling more.) :)

Piggy Banks in Your Belly

Selah: "Why doesn't everyone believe in Jesus?"

Me: "Well, some have never heard of Him. And some have been told that He's not real."

Selah, after pausing and thinking for a moment... "And they believe that?"

Me: "Well, deep down inside I think they know, but they've decided to say that He's not."

Selah thinks for a moment, then nods her head... "Yeah, I think so. Sometimes it's stuck in your belly...down in your piggy bank inside. And you just have to pull the know out of your piggy bank where all the memories live."

How is it that our six year old can verbalize something I've never been able to put into words? Maybe because she hasn't been out of that realm for very long... she's only been here on assignment for six years now.

So...I guess I needed to hear that. Maybe it's time for me to stop and remember where I came from... remember Who we originated from... Who now lives and creates miracles in and through us. Maybe we need to listen more to the "knowing" that is immersed in our very DNA. We have more power in our little fingers, more strength in our spirits, and more knowing deep in our "piggy banks" than we're willing to acknowledge. And by that unwillingness, we suppress Him. What if we lived remembering why we were sent here? How about if we all rose up a little taller, a little more confident in how fabulous we are (and He is in us) and how phenomenal our mission here is? Wow... :)

"Ok, God. I will."

 I was shocked at the language my three year old had just used. Moriah!? This is the girl who argues with everything. Just because she can.

“Moriah, you are so beautiful.”  “No, I’m not.” (Completely confident in her denial.)

“Moriah, you are very smart.”  “Noooo! I’m not. (Emphatically shaking her head.)

“Moriah, we’re having eggs for lunch.”  “NO! I don’t want dat.” (Brows furrowed and voice raised.)

So, when I told her to get in her seat so she could eat lunch, I was literally shocked by her response.

“Ok, Mom. I will.” (Head tilted, sing song voice, smiling sweetly.) And. She. Climbed. Up. Into. Her. Seat.

I stared at her. Then caught myself, and started uproariously praising her for her good attitude. What in the world had happened?! Had all my hard discipline work and constant verbal correction paid off?? Had I finally broken down the wall of brick wall of opposition!?? I nearly wanted to scream for joy!

As lunch was nearing its messy end, I brought it up again (didn’t want to lose momentum, you know).  

“So, Moriah. Do you remember that thing that you did a while ago? You know… when I asked you to do something and you said, ‘Ok, Mom. I will.’?” I tried my best to duplicate the cutsie voice she had used.

“Yeeeaaaahhhh.” She looked at me out of the corner of her eyes, hovering over her bowl, her mouth covered with food.

“Well, that was AWESOME.” (More uproarious praise. Big smiley face so she can see how much awesomeness it was.) I was so impressed with you! You didn’t argue, you didn’t complain, you didn’t cry, you didn’t pretend that you were incapable of climbing into the seat or that you didn’t know how to feed yourself or that you couldn’t hold a fork or that suddenly your leg hurt or that you had to go to the bathroom… (oh yes, she may be just three but her creativity in how she chooses to disobey is astonishing)… you just obeyed Mommy with a GOOD ATTITUDE!!” (Another ridiculously large smiley face and exaggerated mommy-head-nod.)

She smiled, pleased with herself, and began to repeat the phrase over and over again. “Ok, Mom. I will. (Big smile.) Like dat? Ok, Mom. I will. Mom, are you sooo impessed wif me? Are you so pwoud of me? Ok, Mom. I will.”

I assured her that I was truly impressed. It felt like it was the first time that she had ever voluntarily agreed to happily do something that she always fought me on. And the relief of not having to “wage war” was like instant sweetness to me. It made my day. I was so happy that she had voluntarily and happily obeyed the first time that I also gave her some of what she really wanted to eat.  And I think she even surprised herself when she found out how good her quick obedience made her feel.

I was thinking about it later that day when I heard a soft voice in my spirit say, “That’s how it feels.” And it occurred to me that the Lord must feel such a sweet joy when we obey instantly and happily. How many hidden blessings have we missed because we argued or wrestled with what He wanted us to do… only to be forced to give in finally. There’s a lack of peace until the decision to obey has finally been made. We feel frustrated…maybe a little ashamed that we didn’t do it earlier.  We were “waging war” against Him and didn’t even realize it.

So, how beautiful would it be... if, the instant He asked, we said, “Ok, God. I will.”? (Head tilt and sing song voice are optional.)

Grace-Filled Lessons

"Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience, and we soon shall see them in their proper figures." ~Joseph Addison

There's something in me that says that paying all your bills on time and not going into foreclosure and keeping your "life" in order is all about integrity and responsibility.

I mean, people who find themselves in a financial bind, who have "poorly run" finances or bad credit, or who are surviving on unemployment or govt. aid must surely have made some poor, lazy choices in their life. Right? Because... that would definitely not be me. I am a person of integrity and responsibility.

Well, maybe it's not so much about those two traits as it is about arrogance... the arrogance that I think hardship is beneath me because I control my "life" so well.

My arrogance... maybe that's what all this is about...all this stuff we find ourselves in the midst of. And if so, then forgive me Lord. And thank you. Thank you for the lesson... for taking the time to cut it out of me. Your grace is so humbling.

I Am Casey Anthony

Just in case you were wondering where she went, she's living in my house. And she looks suspiciously like me. In fact, we're practically the same person.

And just in case you felt free to rip her a new one yet again for what you believe she did, I just wanted to stand up for a moment and share something. You might as well throw me in the fire, too.

You see, if you believe that she committed murder and got away with it, as I do... then she's not so different from me. Because I am also guilty of lying to cover up for myself. I'm guilty of manipulating and undermining in order to get my way. I'm guilty of being selfish and wanting my own way. I'm guilty of silencing others by refusing to listen them. I'm guilty of cutting others with words. I'm guilty of putting myself before family.

But the similarities don't end there. While the death sentence was swirling around over our heads, and an obvious sentence of judgement was expected... we were both handed a supernatural portion of grace.

Regardless of whether you think it was a maddening lack of condemning evidence, or a gift of grace from an ever-loving Father, I know what I believe. Because I received the same gift. So, the next time you see someone go off on a tirade about her, think not about the depth of her sins... think instead about a God who's grace can even reach into the clutches of death and rescue someone.

My Favorite Quote Of The Day...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~Marianne Williamson

Turn Up The AC

As the heat outside climbs higher and higher, I find myself getting a bit of cabin fever.

Even the girls want to go back inside after being outside for a bit. And as if the heat wasn't bad enough, the humidity is so thick, you can practically swallow it. But since I wanted a bit of fresh air, I took the girls by the park to play for a bit after an errand this morning. We only stayed 20 minutes. We were all dripping with sweat as we got back in the car--and a certain 21 month old was exhibiting signs of advanced stages of severe irritability, no doubt brought on by the excessive heat.

After we were back home for a few minutes, the air conditioning calmed everyone down--including me. After 30 minutes or so, my shirt no longer stuck to me, and I practically forgot about how hot it was outside as I continued my day in the shade of my cool house.

Thank God for air conditioning! Thank God for the person who invented that wonderful machine. And thank You, Lord, for providing one for me when You certainly didn't have to. Most people around the world, in hotter locations than I live, don't have the benefit of an air conditioner. And so I consider myself very, very blessed today.

That Changes Everything

I just realized that Jesus wasn't weeping over Lazarus.

Maybe I'm the only one, but I always thought that the shortest verse in the Bible ("Jesus wept." -John 11:35) was about Jesus weeping because Lazarus had died.

But now I don't think so. When Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick, He knew instantly that his restoration would be for the glory of God (vs. 4). Then He waits two more days before going home to make sure Lazarus dies (vs. 6), and then He even lets his disciples know exactly when Lazarus died (vs. 11). It sounds almost heartless and cruel...and you might even quietly wonder how a loving God could allow such a thing just to validate His Son for a group of people.

And so, when Jesus finally arrived back in Judea, I always though that Jesus was finally weeping because of what Lazarus had to go through in order to be used by God to prove that Jesus was the Son of God. But after reading it this morning, I see that what broke Jesus' heart... what troubled Him, and brought Him to the point of weeping, was more than that, it was realizing that...

The people who seemed to know Him the most still didn't trust Him. And because they didn't trust Him, they lived with unnecessary grief and pain. For four long days, while Lazarus lay resting in his grave, Mary and Martha wept and mourned for their dead brother. Others came and mourned with them... broken and grieving... angry at God for not being there... for not doing something. Hurt that their brother was taken from them. You can hear the pain in their voices and almost see the tears streaming down their faces. "Lord! If You had been here, my brother would not have died" (vs. 32). God! Where were You? Why didn't you do something?! Why don't You care?? Don't You see how hurt we are? If you had been here like You should have been, this wouldn't have happened! They were emotionally destroyed.

And so, He wept. Not because Lazarus had died--because that would only be a temporary situation for a few days. But because He loved Lazarus, Mary, and Martha and hated that they had been and were still hurting. It wasn't just the physical pain of sickness and death that He was grieved over, it was the emotional agony of betrayal, abandonment, and loss that they all experienced. Because, despite their intention to believe Him, despite knowing Him for years, they still didn't know God well enough to trust Him. They really trusted in what they saw. And so they lived in the emotional roller coaster of their circumstances, rather than live in the surety of His love.

The difficulty in believing and trusting God comes when we attach onto it an expectation that He will protect us from things we consider hurtful. Experiencing pain and hurt doesn't mean God has failed you. And trusting God does mean accepting that there will be things we consider hurtful along this journey of life, but realizing that the depth of God's love for us will only allow for Him to make beauty out of ashes for us.

Why is it so hard for us to believe that God really and truly only wants and is planning the best for us? You might say, "Well, pain hurts. And all that was still only for the glory of God... not for the benefit of Lazarus, Mary, or Martha." Not true... the whole point was so that they (and people around the world for centuries to come) would believe and trust in the Son of God; thereby, releasing them from that painful emotional roller coaster of living in circumstances and helping them to rest peacefully in Him and the security of His love.

Oh, if we could "grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." (Eph. 3:18) If we could, we might begin to truly trust Him. And that would change everything.

The Re-building

"This is the way God put it:
'They found grace out in the desert,
these people who survived the killing.
Israel, out looking for a place to rest,
met God out looking for them!"
God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will.
Expect love, love, and more love!
And so now I'll start over with you and
build you up again, dear virgin Israel.'"
-Jeremiah 31:3, The Message

This is for those of you who have survived the killing. Perhaps you are still in the battle... entrenched and surrounded by carnage and dire circumstances... but for some reason, you have survived. And perhaps you are desperate for a place to lay down your head and rest, sleep... disappear. Desperate to stop fighting.

Lift up your head and see God running to you! Receive His love for what it is... the truth that changes everything. Hear His words spoken for you... words with life and creative power that will not return to Him without accomplishing that which He spoke them for. And be encouraged... we are only at our worst just before He rebuilds us.

Just Stop

My prayer today...

Hope, stop trying so much. Stop straining, stop working for good causes. Let go of today's agenda, and see if God happened to have one for the day. Stop fixing. Stop cleaning and being annoyed that you're cleaning again. Take off the blinders and look around. It's May 25, 2011. A day that will never happen again. And while I may have survived the rapture (this time), God will still use me, and His will is going to be accomplished (with, or without me). After all, He really just wants to spend the day with me.

My nineteen month old, Moriah, loves shoes.

She has always loved shoes since she realized that she had feet. Shoes are the first thing she will ask to put on in the morning and the last thing she wants to take off. Since she was old enough to express a preference, she has always had a preference about which shoes to wear, and she will loudly complain if you don't put on her feet the shoes that she wanted. If, for some reason, you didn't put shoes on her feet that morning... then she will go steal yours. She has yet to master my heels, but is actively working on it. If she falls out of my heels, which she does often at this point, she will yell at the shoe and then try again.


There's no denying it... Moriah likes shoes.

Which is why I am amazed and humbled by the ways that God adores us.

I know He loves us because His Word says so. I know He loves us because He has changed our lives for the better. I know He loves us because, despite the fact that my husband has been out of work for over four months, we have more food in our pantry than we have had in years. I know He loves us because He answers our prayers. I know He loves us for a multitude of reasons.

But I know He wholeheartedly adores us when He lavishes things on us that are unasked for, unexpected, and not necessary...but that we personally want or enjoy.

Two days ago my neighbor, who was sorting through her daughter's old clothes, gave us a bag of about a dozen pairs of shoes... all Moriah's size. Moriah's shoe wardrobe tripled that day. God just gave her a gift that she didn't need, but one that she was practically giddy about.

And the amazing thing is...she's too young to know Whom it's from or to say thank you. God just did it because He adores her.